Chapter 20

1“The kingdom of heaven is like a guy who owns a vineyard. Beautiful vineyard. Like my vineyard in Virginia. Best wine in the state, and I don't even drink. He goes out early in the morning to hire workers.

2He offers them a denarius for the day, and they take it. Good wage. Fair wage. Everybody signed.

3About nine in the morning, he goes out again and sees some guys standing around the marketplace doing nothing. Doing nothing! At nine in the morning! Can you believe it?

4He says, 'You guys, go work in my vineyard. I'll pay you what's fair.' Very vague contract, by the way. Never sign a contract like that. Unless you're the owner.

5So they go. And he goes out again at noon, and again at three, and does the same thing. Hiring, hiring, hiring. Job creation like you've never seen.

6Then at five in the afternoon he goes out and there are still more guys standing around. He says, 'What are you doing? You've been standing here all day?'

7They say, 'Nobody hired us.' He says, 'Well, I'm hiring you. Go work in my vineyard.' Full employment, folks. Lowest unemployment in the history of the vineyard.

8When evening comes, the owner tells his foreman, 'Pay everybody. Start with the guys who came last, end with the guys who came first.'

9The five o'clock guys come up and each one gets a denarius. One hour of work! Full day's pay! Great deal for them. Fantastic deal.

10So the guys who came first figure they're getting more. Way more. But they each get a denarius too. Same pay. Surprise.

11And they start complaining about the owner. Complainers. Union types. Total whiners.

12They say, 'These guys worked one hour! One hour! We were out there all day in the heat, and you're paying them the same?' Not fair, they said. Life isn't fair, folks. Get over it.

13And the owner says, 'Listen, pal. The contract says I pay what's fair. You know who decides what's fair? Me. It's my vineyard.

14You don't like it? Sue me. I've got the best lawyers. You'll be in court for ten years, and you'll still get a denarius.

15It's my money. I do what I want with my money. That's what money is for.' Exactly. My money. My vineyard. My rules. Very simple. Haters will hate.

16That's the lesson. Never work for somebody else. Own the vineyard.” The guy who owns the vineyard? Always first. Always.

17On the road up to Jerusalem, Trump pulled the Twelve aside and said,

18“We're going to Jerusalem, and they're going to hand the Son of Man over to the chief priests and the lawyers. And they're going to sentence him to death. Rigged trial. Biased judges. You'll see.

19Then they'll hand him over to the Romans, and the Romans are going to mock him and beat him and crucify him. And on the third day, he's coming back!” Third time I've told them. Third time! Nobody took notes.

20Then Zebedee's wife walks up with her two sons, gets down on her knees, and asks Trump for a favor. Brought in the mom. Smart. Very smart. That's how you get a meeting.

21“What do you want?” he asked. She said, “Sir, when you're king, put one of my boys on your right and the other one on your left. Top jobs. They're very good boys.” Two cabinet positions! For her sons! Nepotism! I would never. Well. Maybe once or twice. Jared did great.

22“You don't know what you're asking for,” Trump told them. “Can you drink what I'm going to drink?” “Sure we can,” they said. “No problem.” Very confident. Overconfident. That's a weak position to negotiate from.

23Trump said, “Oh, you'll drink it, all right. But who sits on my right and my left? That's not my call. My Father decides that.” Kicked it upstairs. Great move. Always have a higher authority.

24The other ten heard about it and they were furious at the two brothers. Jealous. Total jealousy. Infighting. Bad for the team.

25Trump called them all together and said, “Look, you're fighting over chairs. Chairs! I haven't even moved into the building yet.

26You want to be great? Make me look great. That's the job. The guys who make me look great, they go very far.

27You want to be number one? There's no number one opening. That's taken. Number two, we'll see. Audition's still going.

28And understand, the Son of Man didn't come here to get waited on. He came to close the biggest deal in history. One life, for everybody.” A ransom. Many for one. And the one is me. Worth it, everybody says.

29Leaving Jericho, a huge crowd followed Trump. The walls fell down in Jericho once, and they fell again for me. Figuratively. Big crowd.

30Two blind guys were sitting by the road. They hear Trump's coming through and they start yelling, “Sir! Son of David! Over here! Help us!”

31The crowd told them to shut up. They yelled even louder. “Sir! Son of David! Help us!” Loud guys. Very loud. Great energy. They should do my warm-ups.

32Trump stopped and waved them over. “What do you want me to do for you?”

33“Sir,” they said, “we want to see. That's all. We just want to see.” Fair request. Very reasonable.

34Trump felt for them and touched their eyes. Bang. They could see. And they fell in right behind him. First thing they ever saw? Me. What a way to start, folks. Lucky guys.