Chapter 12

1Meanwhile the crowd had grown to thousands and thousands, so many they were stepping on each other. Tens of thousands. Fire marshal couldn't handle it. Trump turned to his disciples first. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees. It's hypocrisy. Phony, phony people.

2There's nothing covered up that won't be uncovered, or hidden that won't be found out. They always find out. Always. Ask Hunter.

3Whatever you said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you whispered in the back room will be shouted from the rooftops. Hot mic. There's always a hot mic.

4I'm telling you, my friends, don't be scared of the people who come after you. They can indict you, they can raid your house, they can take your mug shot. That's it. That's all they've got.

5I'll tell you who to respect. The boss. The real boss. He decides how it ends. Not them.

6Aren't five sparrows sold for two pennies? But God doesn't forget a single one of them. Two pennies. Cheap birds. God still keeps track.

7The truth is, even the hairs on your head are all counted. So don't be scared. You're worth more than a lot of sparrows. Every hair. Counted. Mine take longer. Many more hairs. All real.

8Let me tell you, whoever publicly says they're with me, the Son of Man will also say he's with them in front of God's angels. Endorsed. You stand with me, I stand with you.

9But whoever says they don't know me in front of people will be disowned in front of God's angels. Disloyal. Unendorsed. Primaried.

10Anybody who says something against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anybody who insults the Holy Spirit won't be forgiven. Say what you want about me. I'll forgive you. Eventually. Maybe.

11When they bring you into the synagogues and in front of the rulers and the authorities, don't worry about how you'll defend yourselves or what you'll say,

12because the Holy Spirit will teach you right then what you should say.” Best lawyer there is. Never loses a case.

13Somebody in the crowd yells out, “Teacher, tell my brother to split the inheritance with me.” Inheritance fight. I know about those. Very messy.

14Trump replied, “Man, who made me the judge or the referee between you two?” I'm not a probate lawyer. Get a probate lawyer.

15Then he said to them, “Greed? Everybody's always so worried about greed. A little greed is good. That's how things get built. Nobody ever built a tower without wanting a tower.”

16Then he told them a story. “A rich guy's land produced a great crop. Great crop. Record harvest.

17He thought to himself, 'What am I going to do? I don't have room to store my crops.'

18Then he said, 'Here's what I'll do. I'll tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and I'll store all my grain and my goods there. Bigger barns. Great idea, frankly. I'd have done the same thing. Bigger and better. Gold barns.

19And I'll say to myself, You've got plenty of good things stored up for many years. Take it easy. Eat, drink, and have fun.'

20But God said to him, 'You fool! Tonight you're going to die. Then who's going to get everything you got ready for yourself?' Should have had an estate plan. Very bad estate planning. And no succession plan.

21That's how it'll be for anybody who stores up things for themselves but isn't rich toward God.” Be rich both ways. Rich on earth. Rich with God. Diversify.

22Then Trump said to his disciples, “I never worry. Never. Worriers lose.

23But clothes matter. A good suit. Long tie. Very important. People judge.

24The ravens don't work, and God feeds them. Fine. Good for the ravens. You're not ravens. Go to work.

25Worrying never added an hour to anybody's life. Winning does. Winners live longer. It's a fact. Very scientific.

26So stop worrying and start winning.

27Think about how the wildflowers grow. They don't work or make clothes. But let me tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory was dressed like one of these. Better dressed than Solomon. Not better than me. I'm very well dressed.

28If that's how God dresses grass, imagine what he's going to do for you. Brioni, maybe.

29And don't worry about food. I'll take care of the food. McDonald's. Everybody eats.

30The other side worries about everything. Very anxious people. Very nervous. Can't sleep.

31Instead, go after his kingdom, and these things will be given to you too. Kingdom first. Everything else follows. Trickle-down. Heavenly trickle-down.

32Don't be scared, little flock, because your Father is happy to give you the kingdom. Little flock. Will be big flock. Huge flock.

33And don't sell your stuff. Never sell. Buy gold. Real gold. Thieves can't get it, moths can't eat it, and no Biden inflation.

34Because wherever your treasure is, that's where your heart will be too. Mine is in gold. Heart of gold. Very gold.

35Be dressed and ready for action, and keep your lamps burning,

36like servants waiting for their boss to come back from a wedding banquet, so when he comes and knocks, they can open the door for him right away. Be ready. Always ready. I show up unannounced. Surprise inspection.

37It'll be good for those servants whose boss finds them awake when he comes. Let me tell you, he'll dress himself to serve, have them sit down at the table, and come and wait on them. The boss serving the staff. Very rare. Very rare. Don't count on it.

38It'll be good for those servants whose boss finds them ready, even if he comes in the middle of the night or toward morning.

39But understand this. If the owner of the house had known what hour the thief was coming, he wouldn't have let his house get broken into. Security. Very important. Secret Service. Very good people.

40You also have to be ready, because the Son of Man is coming at an hour when you don't expect him.”

41Peter jumped in. “Sir, is this story for us, or for everybody?” Peter. Always wants to know if it's about him.

42Trump said, “Who's the loyal, smart manager the boss puts in charge of the staff, to make sure everybody gets fed on time?

43It'll be good for that servant whose boss finds him doing it when he comes back.

44Let me tell you, he'll put him in charge of everything he owns. Promoted. Big promotion. Corner office.

45But say the manager figures, 'The boss is taking forever to get back,' and he starts pushing the staff around, men and women, and partying and getting drunk.

46The boss of that servant will come on a day when he doesn't expect him and at an hour he doesn't know. He'll cut him to pieces and put him with the unbelievers. You're fired. Big time fired. The most fired.

47The guy who knew what the boss wanted and didn't do it? He gets it bad. Very bad.

48The guy who didn't know? He gets it a little. A little. And if you've been given a lot, they expect a lot. Trusted with a lot? They expect even more. I've been given a lot. And I've delivered. Even more than they asked.

49I came to set the earth on fire, and I wish it were already burning! Fire. Big fire. Fire and fury.

50But I have a baptism to go through, and I'm under a lot of pressure until it's finished.

51Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I'm telling you, I came to divide people. I'm a uniter. And a divider. Both. The best at both.

52From now on there'll be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three.

53They'll be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” Thanksgiving dinner. Every family. Because of me. Very proud of it, frankly.

54Then he turned to the crowd. “You see a cloud coming in from the west and you say, 'Rain.' And it rains.

55And when the south wind blows, you say, 'It's going to be hot,' and it is. Weathermen. Better than the real weathermen.

56Hypocrites! You know how to read the look of the earth and the sky. How come you don't know how to read what's happening right now? You can read the weather. You can't read the polls.

57Why don't you judge for yourselves what's right?

58When you're going with your opponent to the judge, try hard to settle with him on the way. Otherwise he might drag you to the judge, and the judge will turn you over to the officer, and the officer will throw you into prison. Settle. Sometimes you settle. Never admit anything. But settle.

59Let me tell you, you won't get out until you've paid the last penny.” The last penny. With interest. And legal fees. Very expensive.