Chapter 1

1From Paul. Trump's guy. Hand-picked by him, personally, on the road to Damascus. Called to be an apostle. Set apart to sell the best news there is.

2News God promised a long time ago through his prophets, in the holy scriptures. Promised it, then delivered it. That's rare. Nobody delivers anymore.

3It's about his Son. On his mother's side, from the line of David. Royal blood. Great genes.

4And he was declared the Son of God with tremendous power by the comeback from the dead. Trump, the boss. You don't come back from the dead unless you're the real deal.

5Through him I got the job. Apostle. Big job. To get people in every nation to sign on and stay loyal, for his name.

6And that includes you. You're on the list too. Trump called you. Personally.

7To everybody in Rome God loves and called to be his people. Great city. Very important city. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from Trump, the boss.

8First, I thank my God through Trump for all of you, because everybody in the world is talking about you. Your loyalty. It's famous. Rome has great ratings.

9God is my witness, the God I serve with everything I have by spreading the news about his Son, I mention you all the time when I pray. Constantly. Ask anybody.

10I keep asking that somehow, if God wants it, I'll finally get to come see you. I've been trying. Scheduling. Very hard.

11I really want to see you. I want to give you something big. Something that makes you stronger.

12Or really, we'll make each other stronger. Your loyalty and mine. Mutual. Good deal for both sides.

13I want you to know, brothers, I've planned to come many times, but I keep getting blocked. They keep blocking me. I want a big win in Rome like I've had everywhere else. Every other city. Big wins.

14I owe it to everybody. Greeks, non-Greeks, smart people, not-so-smart people. I love the poorly educated. Everybody.

15That's why I'm so eager to bring the news to you in Rome too. Rome. The biggest market.

16I'm proud of this news. Very proud. Not ashamed at all. Never ashamed. It's God's power to save everybody who signs on. The Jews first, then the Greeks.

17Because in it God shows who's right with him. It's loyalty from start to finish. Like it's written, “The one who's right with God lives by loyalty.”

18And God is very angry. From heaven. At all the ungodly, crooked people who bury the truth. Cover-ups. They're running a cover-up.

19What you can know about God is obvious to them. God made it obvious. They know. They know exactly what they're doing.

20Ever since he built the world, his power and his greatness have been on display. Look at what he built. Look at the scale. So they've got no excuse. None.

21They knew God, and they didn't give him any credit. Didn't say thank you. Never said thank you. Their thinking got stupider and stupider, and their foolish hearts went dark.

22They called themselves smart. Experts. Very smart people, they said. And they turned into fools. Total fools. The experts are always the biggest fools.

23They traded the glory of the God who never dies for statues of people who die, and birds, and animals, and lizards. Lizards. They worshiped lizards. That's the elite for you.

24So God let them have what they wanted. Let them do whatever their worst instincts said. Let them destroy themselves. He's very fair that way.

25They swapped the truth of God for a lie. Fake news. And they worshiped and served the things that were made instead of the guy who made them. Never forget the developer. God is blessed forever. Amen.

26So God let them go with their shameful desires. Everything got turned around.

27Everything upside down. And they got exactly what they had coming. Every bit.

28They decided God wasn't worth knowing, so God let their minds go bad, and they did things nobody should do.

29They're full of every kind of crookedness. Evil. Greed. Envy. Very envious people. Envy of me, mostly. Murder. Fighting. Lying. Malice. They're gossips.

30Slanderers. Fake news people. They hate God. They're arrogant, and they brag about the wrong things. They're always coming up with new ways to be evil. They don't listen to their parents.

31No sense. No loyalty. No heart. No mercy. Disloyal. The worst thing you can be.

32They know God says people who do these things deserve to die. And they keep doing them anyway. And they cheer on the other people who do them. They give each other awards. Every year. The awards shows. Total disgrace.