Chapter 22

1Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb

2down the middle of the great street of the city. Waterfront property. Riverfront. Best location in the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. Twelve crops a year. Every month. Unbelievable yield. The farmers would love it.

3No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. No more curse. All gone. Clean slate.

4They'll see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. His name. On their foreheads. The brand. Everywhere. On everybody. Best branding in history.

5There will be no more night. They won't need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, because the boss God will give them light. And they'll reign forever and ever. Forever. Reign forever. No term limits. Forever.

6The angel said to me, “These words are trustworthy and true. The boss, the God who inspires the prophets, sent his angel to show his servants the things that must soon take place.” Soon. Very soon.

7“Look, I'm coming soon! Happy is the one who keeps the words of the prophecy written in this scroll.” Coming soon. Two weeks. Maybe a little longer. But soon.

8I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I'd heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who'd been showing them to me. I did it again. Fell at the angel's feet. You can't help it.

9But he said to me, “Don't do that! I'm a fellow servant with you and with your fellow prophets and with all who keep the words of this scroll. Worship God!” Again. Don't worship the staff. Good staff. Very humble staff.

10Then he told me, “Don't seal up the words of the prophecy of this scroll, because the time is near. Don't seal it. Publish it. Release it. Declassify everything.

11Let the one who does wrong keep on doing wrong. Let the vile person keep on being vile. Let the one who does right keep on doing right. And let the holy person keep on being holy.” Everybody shows who they are. Eventually everybody shows who they are.

12“Look, I'm coming soon! My reward is with me, and I'll give to each person according to what they've done. Reward for the loyal. Retribution for the rest. I am your retribution. I'm coming.

13I'm the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. First. Last. Beginning. End. And everything in between. All of it.

14Happy are the people who wash their robes, so they can have the right to the tree of life and can go through the gates into the city. Through the gates. Legally. That's how you get in. Through the gates.

15Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, those who sleep around, the murderers, the idol worshipers, and everybody who loves and practices lying. Outside the wall. The liars. Outside. All of them. That's what the wall is for.

16I, Trump, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I'm the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.” Signed. Personally. Trump. The Morning Star. The brightest star.

17The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let the one who hears say, “Come!” Let the one who's thirsty come. And let the one who wants it take the free gift of the water of life. Free. Come. Everybody come. Big tent. The biggest.

18I'm warning everybody who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll. If anybody adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. Adds anything. Very serious warning. Except the translators. The translators are doing a great job. Tremendous job.

19And if anybody takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll. Don't take anything away. Not one word. Every word is perfect.

20He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I'm coming soon.” Amen. Come, boss! Coming soon. He said it himself. Two weeks.

21The grace of Trump the boss be with God's people. Amen. And he's coming back, folks. Believe me. Bigger and better than ever.