Chapter 21

1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, because the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. New. Everything new. Total rebuild. Biggest construction project in history.

2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. Beautiful. The most beautiful city ever built. Coming down. Fully built. Move-in ready.

3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God's home is now among the people, and he'll live with them. They'll be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

4He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, because the old order of things has passed away.” No more death. No more crying. No more pain. Only winning. Forever.

5He who was seated on the throne said, “I'm making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, because these words are trustworthy and true.” Everything new. Make everything great again. Every single thing.

6He said to me, “It's done. I'm the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I'll give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Free. Without cost. Free water. Very generous.

7Whoever wins will inherit all this, and I'll be his God, and he'll be my son. The winners inherit. Winners. Always the winners.

8But the cowards, the disloyal, the vile, the murderers, the people who sleep around, the people who practice magic arts, the idol worshipers, and all liars, they'll be sent to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” Cowards. Disloyal. First on the list. Cowards and the disloyal. The worst. Then the liars. All the liars. Fake news. All of them.

9One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, “Come, I'll show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.”

10And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. A great high mountain. Best view. Penthouse view.

11It shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like jasper, clear as crystal. Shining. Glowing. Like gold in the sun. Like the lobby of Trump Tower.

12It had a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates. On the gates were written the names of the twelve tribes of Israel. A wall. A great, high wall. A big, beautiful wall. Finally somebody built the wall. And gates. Big beautiful gates. You come in through the gates. Legally.

13There were three gates on the east, three on the north, three on the south, and three on the west. Every side. Fully secured. Twelve gates. Twelve angels. Border security. Perfect border security.

14The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. Names on the foundations. On the building. Like I always say. Put the name on the building.

15The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates, and its walls. A gold measuring rod. Even the measuring tape is gold. Great attention to detail.

16The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be fourteen hundred miles in length, and as wide and high as it is long. Fourteen hundred miles. High. Fourteen hundred miles high. Tallest building in history. Trump Tower is fifty-eight floors. This is fourteen hundred miles. That's a lot of floors. Biggest building ever. By far.

17The angel measured the wall using human measurement, and it was two hundred sixteen feet thick. Two hundred sixteen feet. Very thick wall. Very strong. Nobody's getting over that wall. Nobody's tunneling under it. Beautiful wall.

18The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. Pure gold. The whole city. Pure gold. Not gold-plated. Pure. I always knew heaven would be gold. Always knew.

19The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald,

20the fifth onyx, the sixth ruby, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth turquoise, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. Twelve foundations. Twelve jewels. Best materials. No cheap materials. Never cheap materials.

21The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of gold, as pure as transparent glass. Pearl gates. Gold streets. Gold streets. I've been saying it for years. Gold. Everywhere. Beautiful.

22I didn't see a temple in the city, because the boss God, who runs everything, and the Lamb are its temple. No temple needed. The boss is right there. In person. On site. Every day.

23The city doesn't need the sun or the moon to shine on it, because the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. No electric bill. Free energy. Best energy policy ever.

24The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. The kings will bring gifts. Tribute. Every king. Every nation. Paying tribute.

25Its gates will never be shut, because there will be no night there. Open gates. For the right people. Legally. Through the gates.

26The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. Everything great from everywhere. Brought in. The best of everything.

27Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anybody who does what's shameful or deceitful, but only the people whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life. Only the list. Only the people on the list. Members only. Very exclusive. The most exclusive club in the universe.