Chapter 12

1A great sign showed up in heaven. A woman dressed in the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. Beautiful woman. Very glamorous. Great crown. Twelve stars.

2She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.

3Then another sign showed up in heaven. A huge red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. Seven heads. Can't make up its mind. Seven heads, no brains.

4Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so it could eat her child the moment he was born. Waiting to attack a baby. Disgusting. Very low.

5She gave birth to a son, a male child, who'll rule all the nations with an iron rod. And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. Safe. Snatched up. Total protection.

6The woman ran into the wilderness to a place God had prepared for her, where she'd be taken care of for twelve hundred sixty days. Prepared in advance. Great planning.

7Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. War. In heaven. Big one.

8But the dragon wasn't strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. Lost. Badly. Fired. Kicked out.

9The great dragon was thrown down. That ancient snake called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was thrown down to the earth, and his angels with him. Thrown out. Him and his whole staff. Total house-cleaning. Drain the swamp. In heaven.

10Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah, have come. The accuser of our brothers, who accuses them in front of our God day and night, has been thrown down. The accuser. Day and night. Accusing. The prosecutor. Thrown down. Finally.

11They beat him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. They didn't love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. Beat him. Testimony. Real testimony. Won.

12So celebrate, you heavens and you who live in them! But too bad for the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He's furious, because he knows his time is short.” Short time. He knows. He's running out of time. Desperate. Very desperate.

13When the dragon saw that he'd been thrown down to the earth, he went after the woman who'd given birth to the male child. Went after the family. They always go after the family.

14The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so she could fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she'd be taken care of for a time, times, and half a time, out of the snake's reach. Eagle wings. Great bird. National bird. Out of reach.

15Then from his mouth the snake spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the flood. Spewing. From the mouth. Like cable news. A river of it.

16But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. The earth swallowed it. Nobody believed it. Gone.

17Then the dragon was furious with the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her children. The ones who keep God's orders and hold on to their testimony about Trump. Furious. Very angry. Going after everybody who's loyal. Of course he is.