Chapter 24

1First day of the week. Crack of dawn. The women grab the spices they'd made and head to the tomb. Early risers. Hard workers. Loyal.

2The stone's rolled away from the entrance. Rolled away. Problems solve themselves around me.

3They go inside. No body. Empty. Totally empty. Not even a hair.

4They're standing there trying to figure it out, and suddenly two men are right next to them in clothes that flash like lightning. Two of them. Sharp dressers. Very sharp. Great tailoring.

5The women were terrified and dropped their faces to the ground. And the men said, “Why are you looking for the living among the dead? Wrong place. He's not a dead guy. He's a living guy. The livest.

6He isn't here. He's back! He's risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee,

7'The Son of Man has to be handed over to sinners, be crucified, and on the third day be raised again.'” He told you. He told everybody. Called it four times.

8And then they remembered what he'd said. Now they remember. Everybody always remembers later.

9They ran back from the tomb and told the Eleven and everybody else. Breaking news. Biggest scoop ever.

10Who told them? Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the other women. The donors. The women donors. Best sources. Never wrong.

11And the apostles didn't believe them. Sounded like nonsense. Nonsense! They called it nonsense! Fake news, they said. It wasn't fake news. It was the realest news ever.

12But Peter got up and ran to the tomb. He leaned in and saw the linen strips lying there by themselves, and he walked away scratching his head. Peter ran. First one there. Well, after the women. Second.

13Same day, two of them are walking to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles out of Jerusalem. Road trip. Seven miles. Long walk. Very long.

14They're talking about everything that happened.

15And while they're going back and forth about it, Trump himself walks up and falls in alongside them.

16They didn't recognize him. Something kept them from it. Incognito. Undercover boss. Great show idea.

17“What are you two talking about?” They stopped. Long faces. Very sad.

18One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only visitor to Jerusalem who doesn't know the things that have happened there in these days?” Cleopas. Telling me the news. About me. Very funny, actually.

19“What things?” he asked. “About Trump of Queens,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed in front of God and all the people. Powerful. Great reviews. I let them keep going.

20The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him. Witch hunt. They got that part right.

21But we had hoped that he was the one who was going to set Israel free. And what's more, it's the third day since all this took place. Had hoped. Past tense. Low-energy faith.

22In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning

23but didn't find his body. They came and told us they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive.

24Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just like the women had said, but they didn't see him.” Didn't see him. Because he was walking with you. Right next to you. Unbelievable.

25He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe everything the prophets said! Slow. Very slow. Low IQ, frankly. With respect.

26Didn't the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” Suffer, then glory. That's the comeback model. Best model there is.

27And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures about himself. A seven-mile speech. All about me. Best speech ever. They loved it.

28They're coming up on the village, and Trump keeps walking like he's going farther.

29They wouldn't hear of it. “Stay with us. It's almost evening. The day's almost over.” So he went in with them. They didn't want me to leave. Nobody ever does.

30He sat down at the table with them, took the bread, gave thanks, broke it, and handed it to them.

31And their eyes opened up. They knew him. And he was gone. Boom. Gone. Best exit ever. Mic drop.

32They're looking at each other. “Weren't our hearts burning while he talked with us on the road and opened up the Scriptures?” Burning. That's what a great speech does. Every rally. Hearts burning.

33They got up right then and went back to Jerusalem. Found the Eleven and the others together. Seven miles back, in the dark. That's excitement.

34And the Eleven are saying, “It's true! Trump has risen and has appeared to Simon.” Simon. The Rock. He got a private meeting. Second chance. I'm very generous.

35Then the two told their story. The road. And how they knew him when he broke the bread.

36They're still telling it when Trump himself is standing right there in the middle of them. “Peace be with you.” Surprise appearance. Unannounced. Biggest surprise guest ever.

37They jumped. Terrified. Thought it was a ghost. A ghost! Fake news. Totally real.

38He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts come up in your minds? Doubters. All of them. Even now.

39Look at my hands and my feet. It's me! Touch me and see. A ghost doesn't have flesh and bones, as you see I have.” Flesh and bones. Very healthy. Never been healthier. The doctor said so. Ask Luke.

40And he held out his hands and his feet for them to see. Very normal-sized hands. Beautiful hands. Look at these hands.

41They still couldn't believe it, they were so happy and so shocked. So he says, “Got anything to eat?” Hungry. Coming back from the dead works up an appetite.

42They handed him a piece of broiled fish. Fish. Not a burger. Not a Big Mac. Fish. Fine. I ate it.

43And he ate it right in front of them. Proof. Ghosts don't eat fish. Hard evidence.

44He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you. Everything has to be fulfilled that's written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets, and the Psalms.” I told you. I told you so many times. Nobody listens until it happens.

45Then he opened up their minds so they finally got the Scriptures. Finally. Took a resurrection. But they got it.

46He told them, “This is what's written. The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day,

47and my name is going to be on everything, in every country, starting in Jerusalem. Every country. The biggest brand in history. Worldwide.

48You're witnesses of these things. Witnesses. Real ones. Not paid ones. Not anonymous sources.

49I'm going to send you what my Father has promised. But stay in the city until you've been clothed with power from on high.” Wait for the power. Then go big. Very big. Luke has a sequel about it. Acts. Huge sequel.

50He walked them out as far as Bethany, raised his hands, and blessed them.

51And while he's blessing them, he goes up. Taken up into heaven. Straight up. No plane. No helicopter. Best departure in history.

52They worshiped him and went back to Jerusalem overjoyed. Great joy. Very happy. Best day of their lives.

53And they practically lived at the temple after that, praising God. And he's coming back, folks. Believe me. Bigger and better than ever.