Chapter 21

1Trump looked up and watched the rich people dropping their gifts into the temple treasury. Big donors. Big checks. Very nice.

2And then a poor widow drops in two tiny copper coins.

3“See that lady?” he said. “She gave more than everybody. Everything she had. You know why? She believes. That's a supporter.

4The rich guys gave their spare change. She gave the rent money. Put her on the list. Monthly. Recurring. Make sure the box is checked.” Small-dollar donor. The best kind. Total loyalty.

5Some of the disciples were admiring the temple. The beautiful stones. All the gifts people had dedicated. And Trump said,

6“All this stuff you're looking at, the time is coming when not one stone will be left on another. Every one of them is getting knocked down.” Demolition. Total demolition. I'd rebuild it. Taller. With a gold facade.

7“Teacher,” they asked, “when's this going to happen? And what's going to be the sign that it's about to happen?”

8He replied, “Watch out that you don't get fooled. A lot of people will come using my name, saying, 'I'm him,' and, 'The time is close.' Don't follow them. Knockoffs. Cheap imitations. They can't do the hair.

9When you hear about wars and uprisings, don't panic. These things have to happen first, but the end won't come right away.” No panic. Never panic. Stay calm. Very calm.

10Then he said to them, “Country will go to war against country, and kingdom against kingdom.

11There'll be big earthquakes, famines, and plagues in various places, and terrible events and great signs from heaven. Bad. Very bad. A plague. We've seen a plague. I handled it very well.

12But before all this, they'll grab you and persecute you. They'll hand you over to synagogues and put you in prison, and you'll be brought in front of kings and governors, and all because of my name. Because of my name. They hate the name. Everybody who works for me gets subpoenaed.

13And so you'll get to testify about me. Testimony. Under oath. Say good things.

14But make up your mind not to worry ahead of time about how you'll defend yourselves. No prep. Just go in there. Wing it.

15Because I'll give you words and wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to resist or argue against. The best words. My words.

16You'll be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives, and friends, and they'll put some of you to death. Flipped. Family flipping on family. Terrible. Rats.

17Everybody will hate you because of me.

18But not a hair of your head will be lost. Not one hair. Very important. The hair is very important.

19Stand firm, and you'll win life. Stand firm. Never concede.

20When you see Jerusalem surrounded by armies, you'll know that its destruction is close.

21Then the people in Judea should run to the mountains, the people in the city should get out, and the people in the country shouldn't go into the city. Evacuate. Get out. Florida, maybe. Great weather.

22Because this is the time of punishment, when everything that's written will come true.

23How terrible it'll be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! There'll be terrible distress in the land and anger against this people.

24They'll be killed by the sword or taken as prisoners to all the countries. Jerusalem will be trampled on by the Gentiles until the times of the Gentiles are over. Very sad. A great city. Trampled.

25There'll be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in panic and confused by the roaring and tossing of the sea. Big waves. Very big waves. Sharks, too, probably. I hate sharks.

26People will faint from terror, worried about what's coming on the world, because the heavenly bodies will be shaken.

27At that time they'll see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. The comeback. The biggest comeback in history. In a cloud. Better than Air Force One.

28When these things start to happen, stand up and lift up your heads, because your rescue is close.” Heads up. Chins up. Help is on the way.

29He told them this parable. “Look at the fig tree and all the trees. A different fig tree. Not the one I fired.

30When they sprout leaves, you can see for yourselves and know that summer is close.

31In the same way, when you see these things happening, you know that the kingdom of God is close.

32Let me tell you, this generation won't pass away until all these things have happened. Two weeks. Probably two weeks.

33Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. My words. They'll be reading my posts forever. Forever. All caps.

34Be careful, or your hearts will get weighed down with partying, drunkenness, and the worries of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap. Don't drink. I never drink. Never. Very smart.

35Because it'll come on everybody who lives on the face of the whole earth.

36Be on the lookout all the time, and pray that you'll be able to escape all that's about to happen and that you'll be able to stand in front of the Son of Man.” Stay alert. High energy. Never sleepy.

37Every day he taught at the temple. Every night he went out and stayed on the Mount of Olives. Commuting. Day job in the city. Nights at the estate.

38And every morning, first thing, people were lined up at the temple to hear him. Lines before dawn. Camping out. Like the rallies. People camp out for days.