Chapter 20

1One day Trump's teaching in the temple courts, selling the good news, and the chief priests, the lawyers, and the elders all walk up together. The whole swamp. In a group. Very intimidating. Not to me.

2“Tell us by what authority you're doing these things,” they said. “Who gave you this authority?” Show us the paperwork. Always the paperwork.

3He replied, “I'll also ask you a question. Tell me,

4Johnny's baptism, was it from heaven, or from people?” Trap. Reverse trap. Very smart.

5They huddled up. “If we say, 'From heaven,' he'll ask, 'Why didn't you believe him?'

6But if we say, 'From people,' all the people will stone us, because they're convinced that Johnny was a prophet.” Stuck. Totally stuck. Checkmate.

7So they answered, “We don't know where it was from.” We don't know. Pathetic. Very weak answer.

8Trump said, “Then I won't tell you by what authority I'm doing these things either.” No comment. Winning no comment.

9Then he told the crowd a story. “A guy planted a vineyard, rented it out to some farmers, and went away for a long time. Absentee landlord. Very risky.

10At harvest he sends one of his guys to collect his share. The tenants beat him up and send him back empty-handed. Rent day. Didn't pay. Bad tenants.

11He sends another guy. They beat him up too, humiliate him, send him back with nothing.

12He sends a third. They bloody him up and throw him out. Three strikes. Evict.

13Then the owner of the vineyard said, 'What am I going to do? I'll send my son, who I love. Maybe they'll respect him.' The son. The favorite son. They'll respect the son.

14But when the tenants saw him, they talked it over. 'This is the heir,' they said. 'Let's kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.' Stealing it. Rigged. Totally rigged.

15So they threw him out of the vineyard and killed him. What then will the owner of the vineyard do to them?

16He'll come and kill those tenants and give the vineyard to others.” When the people heard this, they said, “God forbid!” Evicted. Permanently evicted.

17Trump looked directly at them and asked, “Then what's the meaning of what's written, 'The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone'? I'm the stone. The builders rejected me. Now I'm the cornerstone. The whole building rests on me.

18Everybody who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, and anybody it falls on will be crushed.” Don't mess with the cornerstone.

19The lawyers and the chief priests wanted to arrest him right then. They knew the story was about them. But they were scared of the crowd. Scared of my people. They're always scared of my people.

20So they watched him. They sent in spies pretending to be sincere, to catch him saying something they could use to hand him over to the governor. Spies! They spied on my campaign! Proven!

21So the spies asked him, “Teacher, we know you speak and teach what's right, and you don't show favoritism but teach the way of God honestly. Flattery. Very obvious flattery. I like flattery. But I see through it.

22Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” Taxes. Gotcha question about taxes. My favorite.

23He saw right through it.

24“Show me a denarius. Whose image and name are on it?” “Caesar's,” they replied. His face on the money. Good branding. Very good branding.

25He said to them, “Give Caesar exactly what the law requires. Not one penny more. That makes me smart. And give God what's God's.” Brilliant. And what's Trump's to Trump. Implied. Very strongly implied.

26They couldn't trap him. Not in front of the crowd. They were stunned by the answer and just shut up. Stunned. Silent. Another win.

27Then some Sadducees came up. They're the ones who say there's no resurrection. The no-comeback crowd. They don't believe in comebacks.

28“Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man's brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man has to marry the widow and have children for his brother.

29Now there were seven brothers. The first one married a woman and died childless.

30The second

31and then the third married her, and in the same way the seven died, leaving no children. Seven brothers. All dead. Somebody should investigate that woman.

32Finally, the woman died too.

33Now then, at the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?” Fake hypothetical. Ridiculous question.

34Trump replied, “Seven brothers, all dead? That's not a theology question. That's a murder investigation.

35Has anybody looked into this woman? Seven husbands! Nobody's asking the obvious question. Very bad journalism.

36And up there, nobody gets married anyway. No prenups, no divorce lawyers. That's how you know it's heaven. Comeback kids, all of them. They can't die anymore.

37And the dead coming back? Even Moses knew. Read the burning bush part. He calls God 'the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.' Is. Not was.

38He's not the God of dead people. He's the God of living people. Everybody's alive to him. You're wrong. Very wrong.” Present tense. Grammar. I have the best grammar.

39Some of the lawyers said, “Well said, teacher!” Lawyers agreeing with me. Rare. Very rare.

40After that, nobody had the nerve to ask him anything. Press conference over. Nobody else had a question. They were scared.

41Then Trump said to them, “Why is it said that the Messiah is the son of David?

42David himself declares in the Book of Psalms, 'The Lord said to my Lord, Sit at my right hand

43until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet.' A footstool. Made of enemies. Very comfortable.

44David calls him 'Lord.' So how can he be his son?” Stumped them. Stumped everybody.

45With the whole crowd listening, Trump turned to his disciples.

46“Watch out for the lawyers. They love walking around in long robes and getting big hellos in the marketplace. They want the best seats in the synagogue and the head table at every dinner. Show-offs. Fancy robes. Very elitist.

47They foreclose on widows' houses and then pray long prayers so everybody sees them. They're going to get punished. Big time.” Foreclosures and long speeches. Worst combination.