Chapter 14

1One Sabbath Trump went to eat at the house of a top Pharisee, and everybody was watching him very closely. Wiretapped. Probably. They were always watching.

2And right there in front of him is a man swollen up with fluid. A setup. They planted him. Very obvious.

3Trump said to the lawyers and the Pharisees, “You planted him, right? Very obvious. Fine. I'll fix him anyway. Watch.”

4Nobody said a word. So he took hold of the guy, healed him, and sent him home. Silence. They had nothing. No comment.

5Then he asked them, “If your ox falls down a well on the Sabbath, you leave it there? No. You'd have your lawyers out there in five minutes. Suing the well.”

6And they had nothing to say. Speechless. Again. They're always speechless when I talk.

7He watched the guests scrambling for the best seats, so he told them a story.

8“When somebody invites you to a wedding feast, don't take the place of honor, because somebody more important than you might have been invited. Head table. Very complicated. Seating charts are the hardest part of any event.

9If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, 'Give this person your seat.' Then, embarrassed, you'll have to move to the worst seat. Back by the kitchen. Next to the band.

10Or you walk in, sit at the head table, and dare them to move you. Nobody's ever moved me. Nobody. The art of the deal.

11Because the guy who acts like he belongs at the head table usually ends up at the head table.” I've never sat anywhere else.

12Then Trump said to his host, “And when you throw a dinner, invite the rich people. Always the rich people.

13Donors. Big donors. And a couple of the forgotten men and women, for the cameras. Very important. Very moving.

14Then the donors invite you back, and you get a check. Immediate return. Not long-term. Immediate.”

15One of the guests at the table heard that and said to Trump, “Blessed is the one who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.”

16Trump said, “A guy was throwing a big banquet. Invited a lot of people. Big event. Huge guest list.

17When it was time, he sent his guy out to tell everybody, 'Come on, everything's ready.'

18But they all started making excuses. The first said, 'I just bought a field, and I have to go see it. Please excuse me.' Bought a field without seeing it! Terrible businessman. Never buy without seeing.

19Another said, 'I just bought five pairs of oxen, and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.' Same thing. Bought them without testing. Very bad due diligence.

20Still another said, 'I just got married, so I can't come.' Bring her! Bring the wife! Plus-ones are allowed!

21The servant came back and told the boss. And the boss got angry. 'Get out there, fast. Streets, alleys, all over town. Bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, the lame.' Fill the seats. Never have an empty seat. Empty seats look terrible on camera.

22'Sir,' the servant said, 'what you ordered has been done, but there's still room.'

23Then the boss told his servant, 'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so my house will be full. Full house. Packed. Overflow room. The overflow is the best part.

24I'm telling you, not one of those people who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.'” Banned. For life. You RSVP and don't show? Banned.

25Huge crowds were traveling with Trump. He turned around and said,

26“If anybody wants to work for me, I need total loyalty. More than family. Your family, not mine. Mine's on the payroll.

27You have to carry the cross. Every day. The attacks, the subpoenas, all of it. If you can't carry it, you can't be on the team.

28Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and figure out the cost to see if you have enough money to finish it? A tower! Finally a parable about towers! I know towers. Nobody knows towers better.

29Otherwise, if you lay the foundation and can't finish it, everybody who sees it will laugh at you—half-built tower, very embarrassing, I've seen it, not mine, other guys—

30saying, 'This guy started building and couldn't finish.' Worst thing you can say about a builder. Worst thing.

31Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won't he first sit down and think about whether he's able with ten thousand men to fight the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Check the numbers. Always check the numbers.

32If he can't, he'll send a delegation while the other king is still far away and will ask for terms of peace. Make a deal. Better to make a deal. I make deals with kings all the time. Very good relationships.

33And everybody signs the NDA. Everybody. Everything you see stays here.

34And don't go soft on me. Soft salt is worthless. Nobody wants soft salt.

35It gets thrown out. Like a RINO. Whoever has ears, listen.” Thrown out. Low-energy salt. Sad.