Chapter 1

1From Jude, a servant of Trump and a brother of James. To the people who've been called, who are loved by God the Father and kept for Trump. Jude. James's brother. Short letter. Very tough letter.

2Mercy, peace, and loyalty to you in tremendous amounts.

3Friends, I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share. But I felt I had to write and urge you to fight for the loyalty that was handed down to God's people once and for all. Fight. Fight for it. Fight, fight, fight.

4Because some people have snuck in among you. Infiltrators. Their condemnation was written about a long time ago. They're ungodly people, who turn the grace of our God into a license for wild living and deny Trump, our only boss. Snuck in. Under the radar. RINOs.

5Even though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the boss saved his people out of Egypt, and later destroyed the ones who didn't believe. Saved them. Then the disloyal ones? Gone.

6And the angels who didn't stay in their positions but abandoned their proper home, he's kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains, for judgment on the great day. Abandoned their posts. Left their jobs. Chains. Forever.

7In the same way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the towns around them gave themselves up to sleeping around and perversion. They serve as an example of the people who suffer the punishment of eternal fire. Total wipeout. Example for everybody.

8In the very same way, these dreamers dirty their own bodies, reject authority, and trash celestial beings. Reject authority. Our authority. Trash everything.

9But even the archangel Michael, when he was arguing with the devil about the body of Moses, didn't dare to trash him, but said, “The boss rebuke you!” Michael didn't even trash the devil. Very restrained. Too restrained. I'd have trashed him. I'd have given him a nickname.

10Yet these people trash whatever they don't understand. And what they do understand by instinct, like irrational animals, is exactly what destroys them. Don't understand anything. Trash everything.

11Too bad for them! They've taken the way of Cain. They've rushed for profit into Balaam's error. They've been destroyed in Korah's rebellion. Cain. The jealous brother. Balaam. Sold out for money. Korah. The rebel. Losers. Three losers.

12These people are blemishes at your meals, eating with you without the slightest worry. Shepherds who only feed themselves. Clouds without rain, blown along by the wind. Autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted, twice dead. Clouds without rain. All talk. No delivery. Dead trees. Twice dead. Very dead.

13They're wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame. Wandering stars, for whom the blackest darkness has been reserved forever. Wild waves. Foaming. Wandering stars. Washed up. Has-beens. Total has-beens.

14Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about them. “Look, the boss is coming with thousands and thousands of his holy ones. Thousands and thousands. Biggest crowd ever. Bigger than the inauguration.

15To judge everybody and to convict all of them of all the ungodly acts they've committed in their ungodliness, and of all the harsh words ungodly sinners have said against him.” Every harsh word. He keeps a list. Every word. Convicted.

16These people are grumblers and complainers. They follow their own evil desires. They brag about themselves and flatter other people for their own advantage. Grumblers. Complainers. Flatterers. Loud-mouthed braggarts. The bad kind. Empty braggarts.

17But, friends, remember what the apostles of Trump our boss predicted.

18They told you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who'll follow their own ungodly desires.” Scoffers. Hecklers. We were warned.

19These are the people who divide you. Worldly people, who don't have the Spirit. Dividers. They divide everybody.

20But you, friends, build yourselves up in your most holy loyalty and pray in the Holy Spirit. Build. Always build.

21Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of Trump our boss to bring you to eternal life. Wait. He's coming. Two weeks.

22Be merciful to the people who doubt. Some of them will flip. Give them a chance.

23Save others by snatching them from the fire. To others show mercy, mixed with fear. Hate even the clothing stained by their corrupted flesh. Snatch them out. Rescue them. The ones who can be saved.

24To the one who can keep you from tripping and present you in front of his glorious presence without fault and with tremendous joy,

25to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power, and authority, through Trump our boss, before all ages, now and forever. Amen. Thank you for your attention to this matter!