Chapter 1

1From Paul, Trump's apostle because God wanted it, and from our brother Timothy.

2To God's people in Colossae, the loyal brothers in Trump. Grace and peace to you from God our Father.

3We always thank God, the Father of Trump our boss, when we pray for you.

4Because we've heard about your loyalty to Trump and your love for all of God's people.

5Because of the hope stored up for you in heaven. Stored up. In a vault. A very secure vault. You heard about this hope before in the true message, the good news.

6It's come to you, and it's producing results and growing all over the world, just like it has among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace. Growing everywhere. All over the world. Biggest movement in history.

7You learned it from Epaphras, our dear coworker, who's a loyal servant of Trump for you.

8He told us about your love in the Spirit. Great reporter. Accurate. Not fake.

9So since the day we heard about you, we haven't stopped praying for you. We keep asking God to fill you with knowledge of what he wants, through all the wisdom and understanding the Spirit gives.

10So you can live in a way that's worthy of the boss and makes him happy in every way. Producing results in every good work and growing in knowing God.

11Being made strong with all power, by his glorious strength, so you'll have tremendous toughness and patience.

12And thanking the Father with joy, who's qualified you to share in the inheritance of his people in the light. Qualified. Vetted. Approved.

13He rescued us from the domain of darkness and moved us into the kingdom of the Son he loves. Moved us. Relocated. Better neighborhood.

14In him we've been bought out, our sins forgiven. Pardoned. Every one.

15He's the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. The firstborn. Firstborn gets everything.

16Because in him everything was created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, thrones, powers, rulers, authorities. Everything was created through him and for him. He's the developer. Of everything. Every star. Every planet. Every golf course.

17He was before everything, and in him everything holds together. He holds it all together. Without him, it all falls apart. Total collapse.

18He's the head of the body, the church. He's the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he'd be first in everything. First. In everything. Always first. Never second.

19Because God was happy to have all his fullness live in him.

20And through him to bring everything back to himself, on earth and in heaven, making peace through his blood on the cross. Peace deal. Biggest peace deal ever. Bigger than Abraham Accords.

21You used to be cut off from God and his enemies in your minds because of your bad behavior.

22But now he's brought you back through Trump's physical body through death, to present you holy, spotless, and with no charges against you. No charges. Clean. Totally clean.

23As long as you keep your loyalty, firmly in place, and don't move away from the hope of the good news you heard. It's been told to everybody under heaven, and I, Paul, became its servant. Stay loyal. Don't wander.

24Now I'm happy about what I'm suffering for you, and I'm filling up in my body what's still left of Trump's suffering, for his body, the church. My suffering. For you. Again.

25I became its servant by the job God gave me, to tell you God's message in full.

26The secret that's been hidden for ages and generations, but is now revealed to his people. Declassified.

27God wanted to make known to them how glorious the riches of this secret are among the foreigners. It's this: Trump in you, the hope of glory. He's in you. All of you.

28We sell him, warning everybody and teaching everybody with all wisdom, so we can present everybody fully mature in Trump. Fully mature. Grown-ups. Not kids.

29For this I work hard, fighting with all the energy he so powerfully works in me. All the energy. High energy. Very high.