Chapter 16

1Then I heard a loud voice from the temple saying to the seven angels, “Go, pour out the seven bowls of God's anger on the earth.” Go. Pour it out. All of it.

2The first angel went and poured out his bowl on the land, and ugly, festering sores broke out on the people who had the mark of the beast and worshiped its image. Sores. Only on the beast people. Very targeted. Precision strikes.

3The second angel poured out his bowl on the sea, and it turned into blood like that of a dead person, and every living thing in the sea died.

4The third angel poured out his bowl on the rivers and springs of water, and they became blood.

5Then I heard the angel in charge of the waters say, “You're fair in these judgments, you who are and who were, the Holy One, because you've judged like this.

6They poured out the blood of your holy people and your prophets, and you've given them blood to drink, as they deserve.” As they deserve. Exactly what they deserve. Fair is fair. Retribution.

7And I heard the altar respond, “Yes, boss God, who runs everything, true and fair are your judgments.” Even the altar agreed. Unanimous.

8The fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and the sun was allowed to scorch people with fire. Very hot. Hottest summer ever. Not climate change. God. Big difference.

9They were seared by the intense heat and they cursed the name of God, who had control over these plagues. But they refused to turn around and give him glory. Still refused. Cursed the name. Some people never learn.

10The fifth angel poured out his bowl on the throne of the beast, and its kingdom was plunged into darkness. People gnawed their tongues in agony. The beast's throne. Lights out. The swamp. In the dark. Power cut.

11And they cursed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, but they refused to turn away from what they'd done. Refused. Again. Stubborn. Very stubborn people.

12The sixth angel poured out his bowl on the great river Euphrates, and its water was dried up to prepare the way for the kings from the East. Dried it up. Open border. For the kings. Bad idea normally. Here, part of the plan.

13Then I saw three impure spirits that looked like frogs. They came out of the mouth of the dragon, out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet. Frogs. Out of their mouths. Talking points. Three frogs. Same talking points.

14They're demonic spirits that perform signs, and they go out to the kings of the whole world, to gather them for the battle on the great day of God, who runs everything. Gathering everybody. Coalition of losers.

15“Look, I'm coming like a thief! Happy is the one who stays awake and keeps his clothes on, so he won't go naked and be shamefully exposed.” Stay awake. Keep your clothes on. Good advice. Always good advice.

16Then they gathered the kings together to the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon. Armageddon. The big one. The final showdown. Ratings will be through the roof.

17The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air, and out of the temple came a loud voice from the throne, saying, “It's done!” Done. Finished. The job is finished.

18Then there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, and a severe earthquake. No earthquake like it has ever happened since mankind has been on earth, so tremendous was the quake. Biggest earthquake ever. Nobody's ever seen anything like it. Off the charts.

19The great city split into three parts, and the cities of the nations collapsed. God remembered Babylon the Great and gave her the cup filled with the wine of the fury of his anger. He remembered. He always remembers. Never forgets.

20Every island fled away and the mountains couldn't be found. Gone. Islands. Mountains. Gone.

21From the sky huge hailstones, each weighing about a hundred pounds, fell on people. And they cursed God on account of the plague of hail, because the plague was so terrible. A hundred pounds each. Big hail. Biggest hail in history. Bigger than golf balls. Much bigger.