Chapter 8

1Trump went out to the Mount of Olives.

2At dawn he's back in the temple courts. Everybody comes around, and he sits down and teaches. Dawn. Early riser. Very high energy.

3Then the lawyers and the Pharisees drag in a woman caught cheating and stand her up in front of everybody. A setup. Total setup.

4and said to Trump, “Teacher, we caught this woman cheating. Red-handed. In the act.” In the act. Where's the man? Funny. They forgot the man.

5“The law says we stone her. So what's it going to be? Go ahead. We're all listening.”

6It was a trap. They wanted something to charge him with. Trump bent down and started writing in the dirt with his finger. Writing on the ground. Posting. The first post.

7They keep pushing. So he stands up. “Okay. Whoever here has never done anything wrong, you throw the first stone. Go ahead. I'll wait.”

8And he bent back down and kept writing. Probably names. Their names. And what they did.

9They heard that and started leaving. One at a time. Oldest first. Until it's just Trump and the woman standing there. Oldest first. More to hide. Much more.

10Trump stood up. “Where'd everybody go? Nobody wants to throw a rock now?” Cleared the room. Without saying a word, almost.

11“Nobody, Sir,” she said. “Then I'm not throwing one either,” Trump said. “Go home. And knock it off.” Pardoned. Full pardon. With a warning.

12Later Trump was talking to the crowd again. “I'm the light of the world. Very bright light. The brightest. Follow me, and you'll never trip over anything in the dark again.” Like my name on a building at night.

13The Pharisees said, “You can't just say great things about yourself. That's not evidence.” They hate self-endorsement.

14Trump said, “I can, and I do, and it counts. I know where I came from and where I'm going. You don't have a clue. Not a clue.

15You judge everybody by the cover. I don't bother judging anybody.

16And if I did, I'd get it right, because I've got backup. My Father's with me. He's always with me.

17Your own rules say two witnesses make it true. Read your own rules.

18Witness one, me. Witness two, my Father. Best witnesses you'll ever get.”

19They said, “Your father? Where's your father? Let's see him.” Trump said, “You don't know me, and you don't know him. If you knew me, you'd know him. Same family. Same look.” Very personal question.

20He said all this teaching by the offering boxes in the temple. Nobody arrested him. It wasn't time yet.

21Trump said to them again, “I'm leaving. You'll come looking, and you'll go down with all your crooked deals still on the books. Where I'm going, you're not invited.”

22The leaders said, “What, is he going to kill himself? Is that why we can't go?” Terrible thing to say. Very nasty people.

23He said, “You're bottom-floor people. I'm from the penthouse. You're from this world. I'm from a much better one. Different league.

24Like I said, you're going down with your sins, unless you figure out who I am. Big unless.”

25“Who are you?” they asked. Trump said, “Seriously? Who am I? I've been telling you from day one. I'm the most famous man in the world.”

26“I could talk about you people for hours. Very negative stuff. But my Father's honest, and I tell the world what he tells me.”

27They had no idea he was talking about his Father. Slow. Very slow.

28So Trump said, “When you put me up there, way up high, then you'll get it. You'll know I'm him. Everything I say comes from the top.

29He's with me. He's never left me alone. Because I've never once let him down. Perfect record.”

30And while he's talking, a lot of people sign on. Live conversion. During the speech.

31To the ones who believed, Trump said, “Stick with me. Don't flake out. If you stick with me, you're real disciples.

32Then you'll know the truth, and the truth is going to set you free. Truth. I named a whole platform after it.”

33They said, “Free? We're Abraham's kids. We've never been anybody's slaves. What are you talking about, 'set free'?” Never slaves? Egypt? Ever heard of Egypt? Read the book.

34Trump said, “Everybody who cheats and lies and steals is owned. Totally owned. Their own bad habits own them.

35An employee can get fired. A son can't. The son is always in the family. The son inherits.

36So if the son sets you free, you're free. Really free. Freedom. The best freedom.

37I know you're Abraham's kids. I've seen the paperwork. But you're trying to kill me, because you can't stand anything I say.

38I'm telling you what I saw with my Father. You're doing what you picked up from yours.”

39“Abraham is our father,” they said. Trump said, “Then act like it. Abraham did great things. You don't. Family name means nothing if you don't live up to it.

40You want to kill a guy for telling you the truth. Abraham would never. Never. He'd be embarrassed.

41You're doing your father's work, all right.” “At least we know who our father is,” they said. “We're not the ones with the weird birth story.” A dig at my mother. A dig at Mary. Very low blow.

42Trump said, “If God were your father, you'd love me. I came straight from him. He sent me.

43Why can't you understand a single thing I say? Because you don't want to. You hear me, but you don't listen.

44You want to know who your father is? The devil. The original loser. He's been a killer from day one and he's never told the truth once. Lying is his native language. He's the father of fake news. And you're his kids.

45I tell you the truth, and that's exactly why you don't believe me. Very upside down.

46Can anybody here prove I did anything wrong? Anybody? Show me the evidence. You can't. You never have evidence.

47The people who belong to God listen to God. You don't listen. Draw your own conclusions.”

48The leaders said, “We knew it. You're a Samaritan, and you've got a demon.” Name-calling. When they lose the argument, they call names. I also do that. But I do it better.

49Trump said, “No demon. I respect my Father. You disrespect me. That's the difference.

50I'm not out here begging for applause. Somebody else handles that, and he's the judge.

51Listen to me, do what I say, and you never die. Never. Ever.”

52“Now we're sure you're crazy,” they said. “Abraham died. The prophets died. Everybody dies. And you're saying your people never die?

53You think you're bigger than Abraham? He's dead! Who do you think you are?” Who do I think I am? I know who I am. That's the difference.

54Trump said, “If I bragged about myself, it wouldn't mean anything. It's my Father who brags about me. The one you say is your God.

55You don't know him. I know him. If I said I didn't, I'd be a liar like you. But I know him, and I do what he says.” Liar like you. Total burn.

56“Your father Abraham couldn't wait to see me. He saw it coming, and he loved it.” Abraham was a fan. Early fan. Big supporter.

57“You're not even fifty,” they said, “and you've met Abraham?” Not fifty. Very youthful. Great genes.

58Trump said, “Before Abraham was even born, I am.” Mic drop. Biggest mic drop in history.

59So they picked up rocks to throw at him. And Trump slipped right out of the temple. They brought rocks. To a debate. Couldn't win with words.