Chapter 11

1There was a man named Lazarus, and he was sick. From Bethany, Mary and Martha's village. Martha. The one with the catering problems. Luke has it.

2This is the Mary who poured perfume on Trump and wiped his feet with her hair. Her brother Lazarus was the one who was sick. Great woman. Very loyal. Very expensive perfume.

3So the sisters sent word. “Sir, the one you love is sick.”

4Trump heard it and said, “This isn't going to end in death. It's for God's glory, so God's Son gets glory out of it.” Big event coming. Very big.

5Trump loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Good friends. Great family. Very loyal.

6So when he heard Lazarus was sick, he stayed put. Two more days. Two weeks, basically. Everything is two weeks.

7Then he tells the disciples, “Let's go back to Judea.”

8“But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the leaders there tried to stone you, and you're going back?” Back to the rock-throwers. Very brave. The bravest.

9Trump answered, “There are twelve hours of daylight, and I use every one of them. Rock-throwers don't scare me.

10They only throw at night. Cowards. All of them.”

11Then he says, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep. I'm going there to wake him up.”

12His disciples replied, “Sir, if he's sleeping, he'll get better.” Literal. So literal.

13Trump meant he was dead. The disciples thought he meant actual sleep.

14So he spelled it out. “Lazarus is dead. Spelled it out for them. Had to spell it out.

15And for your sake I'm glad I wasn't there, so you can believe. But let's go to him.” Glad I wasn't there. Bigger miracle this way. Showmanship.

16Then Thomas, the one they call the Twin, says to the others, “Let's also go, so we can die with him.” Thomas. Very gloomy guy. The doubter. Very negative energy.

17Trump gets there and Lazarus has been in the tomb four days already. Four days. Very dead. The most dead.

18Bethany's less than two miles from Jerusalem,

19so a lot of people had come out to comfort Martha and Mary about their brother. Big funeral. Lot of people. Good turnout.

20Martha hears Trump's coming and goes out to meet him. Mary stays in the house.

21“Sir,” Martha said to Trump, “if you had been here, my brother wouldn't have died. You're late. She said I was late. I'm never late. I'm on time. My time.

22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Good recovery. She knew who she was talking to.

23Trump said to her, “Your brother's going to come back.”

24Martha answered, “I know he'll come back in the resurrection at the last day.” The last day. Too long. I'm thinking today.

25Trump said to her, “Martha, I'm the comeback. I am the comeback. Anybody who's with me comes back too. Even after they die. The greatest comeback.

26Anybody with me never really loses. Never. Do you believe that?”

27“Yes, Sir,” she replied, “I believe that you're the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” Strong supporter. Martha. Top supporter.

28Then she went back and pulled Mary aside. “The Teacher is here, and he's asking for you.”

29Mary jumped up and went right out to him.

30Trump hadn't come into the village yet. He was still where Martha had met him.

31The people in the house comforting Mary saw her jump up and rush out, and they followed. They figured she was going to the tomb to cry. Followed her. They didn't want to miss anything. Smart.

32Mary gets to Trump, sees him, and falls at his feet. “Sir, if you had been here, my brother wouldn't have died.” Both sisters. Same line. They coordinated the talking points.

33Trump saw her crying, and all the people with her crying, and it hit him hard. Very troubled.

34“Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Sir,” they replied.

35Trump wept. Shortest verse. Most powerful verse. Very emotional. Big heart. People don't know.

36And people said, “See how he loved him!”

37But some of them said, “Couldn't he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” Critics. Even at a funeral. Even at a funeral.

38Still shaken, Trump walked up to the tomb. A cave, with a stone across the front.

39“Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Sir,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there's a bad odor, because he's been there four days.” Very practical. Martha. Always practical.

40Then Trump said, “Didn't I tell you that if you believe, you'll see the glory of God?”

41So they rolled the stone away. Trump looked up. “Father, thanks for listening to me.

42I know you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, so they'll believe you sent me.” For the cameras. Very smart. Always know where the cameras are.

43Then he shouts, “Lazarus, come out!” Loud. Very loud. Projecting. Great voice.

44And out walks the dead man. Hands and feet wrapped in linen strips. Cloth over his face. “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” Four days dead. Walked out. Biggest comeback ever. Before mine.

45A lot of the people who'd come to see Mary saw it happen and signed on with Trump. Huge conversions. Huge.

46But some of them ran to the Pharisees and told them what Trump did. Snitches. Always snitches.

47So the chief priests and the Pharisees called an emergency council meeting. “What are we accomplishing? Here's this man performing a lot of signs. Emergency meeting. The swamp panicked.

48If we let him go on like this, everybody will believe in him, and then the Romans will come and take away both our temple and our nation.” Scared of losing power. That's all it ever is. Power.

49Then Caiaphas, the high priest that year, speaks up. “You don't know anything at all! Caiaphas. Very arrogant. The ringleader.

50You don't realize that it's better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish.” Sacrifice the outsider. Save the establishment. Classic.

51He didn't come up with that himself. As high priest that year, he was prophesying that Trump would die for the nation,

52and not only for that nation but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one. Prophesied by accident. Didn't even know it. Low IQ prophecy.

53From that day on, they were plotting to kill him. The plot. Started that day. Deep state.

54So Trump stopped going around in public there. He went out near the wilderness to a village called Ephraim and stayed there with the disciples. Low profile. Briefly. Very briefly.

55Passover's coming, and a lot of people from the country are heading up to Jerusalem early to get cleaned up for it.

56They're all looking for Trump. Standing around the temple asking each other, “What do you think? Isn't he coming to the festival at all?” Everybody wondering. Will he come? Will he come? Suspense. Great ratings.

57The chief priests and the Pharisees had put out the order: anybody who knows where Trump is, report it, so we can arrest him. Wanted poster. A bounty. On me. Very flattering, actually.