1 Huge crowd, incredible crowd, the best crowd ever, came down from the mountain to see me. Believe me, folks, it was amazing. 2 Then a man with leprosy—terrible disease, very sad—comes up to me. He says, “Sir, if you’re willing, you can make me clean.” Smart guy, by the way, recognized greatness when he saw it. 3 So I said, “I’m willing. You’re clean now. Go. You’re welcome.” And guess what? Instant results. Nobody gets results like I do. 4 I told him, “Don’t tell anyone about this—well, maybe a few, let them know how great I am. And give the offering, because that’s what Moses said, and Moses was tremendous.”
5 When I hit Capernaum—a fantastic place, beautiful, just the best—a centurion comes up to me. Military guy. Loves me. Respect, folks. 6 He says, “Sir, my servant’s at home. He’s paralyzed. It’s very bad, very sad.” 7 I said, “I’ll come and heal him. It’s easy for me.” 8 But he goes, “No, no, no, you don’t need to come. Just say the word, and it’ll happen. I know how authority works. Big respect.” 9 He’s got servants, soldiers, the whole deal. He knows power when he sees it. 10 I was blown away. I told the crowd, “Folks, I haven’t seen faith like this anywhere, not even in Israel. Can you believe it?”
11 “Many people, folks, will come from east, west, all over, to sit with Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. Big names, great company. 12 But some of these so-called chosen ones? They’ll be thrown out into darkness. Not good, folks. Lots of weeping. Sad!” 13 Then I told the centurion, “Go home. Your servant’s healed because you believed in me. Smart move.” And guess what? It happened right then. Tremendous.
14 So I go to Peter’s house—great guy, terrific disciple—and his mother-in-law is sick. Fever. Not good. 15 I touched her hand, folks, just a little touch, and she got up. Boom! She starts waiting on us immediately. Incredible energy. 16 Later that night, they brought me a bunch of demon-possessed people—really tough cases, folks—and I cast them out with just a word. A single word! I healed all their diseases. Who else can do that? Nobody. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy, folks. Isaiah said it. “He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.” True story. I nailed it.
18 I saw the crowds, huge crowds, and I told my team, “Let’s get to the other side of the lake. We need a break.” 19 Then this teacher of the law—kind of a nerdy guy—comes up and says, “I’ll follow you anywhere!” 20 I said, “Foxes have dens, birds have nests, but the Son of Man? No place to lay his head. Can you believe it? Sad.” 21 Another guy says, “Let me go bury my father first.” 22 I told him, “Follow me. Let the dead bury their own dead. Priorities, folks. Get them straight.”
23 So we get on a boat. Great boat. I’m telling you, beautiful craftsmanship. 24 Suddenly, there’s this huge storm. Wind, waves, the whole deal. Terrible storm. The boat’s rocking, but guess what? I’m asleep. Totally calm. No one else can do that. 25 The disciples freak out. “Save us! We’re going to drown!” They’re panicking. Weak, folks. Very weak. 26 I wake up and say, “Why are you afraid? Little faith. Sad!” Then I rebuke the wind and the waves. Just two words, folks—calm down. And they did. Total silence. 27 The disciples are amazed. “Who is this guy? Even the wind and waves obey him!” Who am I? I’m Donald. Tremendous leader. That’s who.
28 We get to the other side, and there are these two demon-possessed guys. Wild guys. Scary. Nobody could go near them. But not me, folks. 29 They start yelling, “What do you want with us, Son of God? Are you here to torture us before the appointed time?” They know I’m in charge. Big respect. 30 Nearby, there’s a herd of pigs. Tons of pigs. Big, big herd. 31 The demons beg me, “Send us into the pigs!” So I say, “Sure, go ahead. Into the pigs.” 32 And they do it. The pigs rush down a hill into the water. All of them drown. Tragic, really, but effective. 33 The pig herders run into town, tell everyone, “You won’t believe what just happened!” 34 And the whole town comes out to see me. But instead of being grateful, they beg me to leave. Can you believe it? They’re scared of greatness. Typical.
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