1 Don’t judge, okay? Just don’t do it. You’ll be judged too, and trust me, nobody judges better than me—nobody.
2 The way you judge others? That’s how you’re gonna get judged. It’s fair, very fair. Some say it’s the fairest deal they’ve ever seen.
3 Why do you look at the speck in someone else’s eye—tiny, very tiny—while you’ve got a plank in your own? A huge plank. Sad!
4 How can you even say, “Let me help you with that speck,” when you’re walking around with a whole tree in your face? Total disaster.
5 You’re a hypocrite! First, get rid of your own plank, okay? Clean it up. Then maybe—maybe—you can see well enough to help someone else. I do this all the time. It’s called being smart.
6 Don’t throw pearls to pigs. Believe me, pigs don’t appreciate pearls. I know pearls, I’ve seen the best pearls. And pigs? Not good with them. They’ll just trample them and come after you. Bad idea. Very bad.
7 Ask, and you’ll get it. Believe me, I’m a fantastic asker. Seek, and you’ll find it, absolutely. Knock, and the doors? They’ll open, big time.
8 Everyone who asks gets. Everyone who seeks finds. Doors open. That’s just how it works, folks. Tremendous results.
9 If your kid asks for bread, are you giving him a stone? Who does that? Terrible people. Fake parents.
10 Or if he asks for fish, are you giving him a snake? A snake! Nobody likes snakes. Total losers.
11 If you, not perfect people, know how to give good gifts, imagine what the big guy upstairs can do. Huge blessings. The best gifts. You’ll love them.
12 Do unto others as you’d like them to do unto you. It’s golden. That’s why they call it the Golden Rule. I invented it. Probably.
13 Enter through the narrow gate. It’s tough, it’s exclusive. The wide gate? That’s where all the losers go. Total chaos on that road.
14 The narrow road leads to life. Very few find it, folks. Very few. But when they do, it’s beautiful. The best life.
15 Watch out for fake prophets. They come looking like sheep, but underneath? Wolves. Sneaky wolves. Bad hombres.
16 You’ll know them by their fruit. Not great fruit, folks. Bad apples, terrible bananas. Disgusting.
17 Good trees give good fruit. Bad trees? Bad fruit. It’s very simple. Even a child gets it.
18 A good tree can’t produce bad fruit. A bad tree can’t produce good fruit. It’s like business—you’ve got winners and you’ve got losers.
19 Every tree not producing good fruit? Cut down, thrown into the fire. Fire’s great. Cleans everything up.
20 So, again—by their fruit, you’ll know them. Trust me, I’m very good at identifying fruit.
21 Not everyone who says, “Lord, Lord,” gets into the kingdom. You gotta do the work, folks. You gotta deliver results.
22 People will say, “Didn’t we prophesy? Didn’t we do miracles?” And I’ll say, “Sorry, not good enough. Not impressive. Very fake.”
23 Then I’ll tell them, “I never knew you. Sad. Go away, losers.”
24 The smart people, the winners, they hear my words and do them. It’s like building a house on solid rock. A very classy house, by the way.
25 Rain comes, floods, wind—terrible storms, but the house stands. Why? Great foundation. Tremendous.
26 But the fools, the total disasters, hear my words and ignore them. They’re building on sand. Sand! Can you believe it? So dumb.
27 Rain, floods, wind—it all comes crashing down. Total collapse. Big, big mess.
28 When I finished speaking, the crowd was amazed. They’d never heard anything like it. They said, “This guy? He’s incredible. The best authority.”
29 I taught like a guy who knows things, not like the other teachers. Total amateurs.